Coaching has confirmed for me that everyone has a story. And when I say a story, I actually mean a difficult life experience (at least in that persons eyes) or two, or three, or four, or too many to count. Although an experience may be life changing, it doesn’t have to be life draining. We all get to decide how we will choose to think about our experiences, and this will then determine how they affect us.
When I was growing up, I felt like the “outsider” of our family. In “my” mind, I had three perfect sisters and I was not. Although I had a great family, I was often the one in trouble or feeling ganged up on. It didn’t help that I was the outspoken one who questioned things and challenged the rules. I thought of myself as more of a leader (without experience and education) than a follower and thrived on proving myself right. Although I like to think I was kindhearted (and certainly was with my friends and others), my personality and shortcomings didn’t fit well with my mom and sisters and created a lot of strife.
As a young adult, I carried some childhood beliefs (not necessarily facts) of being unlovable, not good enough and not belonging, into my personal and professional life. I chose men poorly and became a workaholic – always looking for love and affirmation at the sacrifice of myself and and probably at times my health. It wasn’t until several years later that I realized I needed to change my thinking in order to have the results I longed for in my life.
Now rather than thinking of parts of my childhood negatively, I choose to focus on the positives (and there were many) – the strong values and morals, the coping skills, the resiliency, the independence, the appreciation for differences, the ability to love in so many different ways, the fun times we had together as a family, and the acute sensitivity I have for the underdog. This has allowed me to appreciate my family (and I do truly love them) and move on from any injustice I felt. I realize how blessed I was to have my family. I now choose peace and gratitude when I look back on my past.
I wish I would have seen the err in my thinking years ago but I hope this post may help you if you are struggling – whether 18 or 88 years old, it’s never too late to make peace with your story. If you need help with this, please reach out – the first call is always complimentary.