“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. – said by the great philosopher, Aristotle”. Although I’m not a philosopher, I think it could also be said “knowing your self is also the beginning of loving yourself”.
To know yourself is figuring out who you are, what you believe in, what matters to you, and what you are passionate about doing. Comparing that to what you are currently doing in your life is the start of one of the greatest, most fulfilling inward journeys I promise you will ever take.
There is so much knowledge in the world that is readily available online (and most is even free!), yet it’s still difficult to discern where we should be looking, what we should be focusing on and then figuring out how to apply it effectively in a way that reflects our true selves. I think this is because we are all individuals and our journeys unique. I know at times, I’ve wanted to just type into google “What now God, What do you want me to do, or where should I be going”? What should be my answer? When you struggle with these types of questions, it’s being able to reflect on who you are and what’s important to you that can help guide you back to a place of inner wisdom. Knowing yourself will make knowing the answers so much easier.
Our real identity -which is our soul that is only unique to us – is what will give us that fulfilling, “no-regrets”, existence that will make us one day say we truly “lived.”. And I’m not talking about the “live it up, go all out party as if there’s no tomorrow, but rather the ability to look back at the end of our lives (whether long or short) and feel like we lived our best life being who we were created to be and doing what we were called to do.
Finding yourself, and living according to what you found our about your self, leads you to the kind of existence where you have the assurance and ease of navigating through life without being moved by your experiences – no matter how difficult or trying they may be. Although Life may still be hard, you have a solid foundation that keeps you steady and strong.
Most of us are living on automatic and don’t have lives that reflect our real values and desires. We cruise through the daily grind, or live life fulfilling someone else’s goals, changing on a whim as that person or companies needs change, we are never completely fulfilling our own dreams and desires.
For most of my life, I didn’t mind working to help someone else or a big corporation be successful as I would benefit, at least a little, from the success, but when it no longer allowed me to feel like I was living true to myself. I knew changes had to be made. Maybe you are experiencing the kind of success that the world acknowledges (big house, great career, loaded bank account etc.), and yet still, you feel that there seems to be something missing, or off-track in your life. Because of the multitude of possible reasons, stemming from our Past, our Pains, our (lack of) Purpose, we find ourselves simply existing (and often times hurting), rather than living & rejoicing as we should. (You can read or listen to my podcast – Discovering the Real You where we talked more about this in depth and why we aren’t living authentically).
So let’s get to the nitty gritty and look at the 5 TRUTHS and Myths about finding yourself:
1. Finding yourself is a one-time, big revelation moment (that Ahhhh ha). This is a myth. Finding yourself is a process and unfortunately, you can’t rush it. I know we all like things fast at the snap of our fingers – internet speed, drive through, amazon shipping speed, etc but finding yourself requires being patient with one’s self, continuously exploring and feeding your own understanding which then leads you to what’s ultimately good for you (Pro 19:8). It involves taking the time to go deep within yourself, identifying your beliefs, characteristics and activities that either support you for being the real YOU or distract you from being who you are.
2. Finding yourself doesn’t require change. Wrong. The truth is , finding yourself requires acceptance of change in ourselves as life changes: All of us experience life transitions, and sometimes the roles we play may no longer be effective and need to be changed – whether we like it or not. Therefore, we must consistently re-evaluate ourselves and re-define what matters to us in each stage in our life. This is tough because the first truth was it takes time to find yourself and now I’m saying, “be ready to change that self that you found as your life changes”. And this could be in 1 year, 5 years, or 10 or more years.
For example, what was important to me as a single mom has somewhat shifted now since becoming an empty nester. As a single mom, my true self meant having financial means to survive and support my boys but just as important, having the time to be a part of their lives and childhood experiences. Now that they are grown and starting lives of their own, my true self is discovering my needs without the constant need or desire to focus primarily them. Though I miss my parenting role, I’m growing as a person and this is causing me to evolve with a deeper understanding of myself as my life evolves. The beautiful thing is, you will continually grow when you stay true to yourself. Not only that, you will find yourself renewed, refreshed and re-energized.
3. The third truth is : Finding Yourself involves expensive trips or experiences. Incorrect. Finding yourself doesn’t require expensive or get away trips. You don’t need to take a vacation in an exotic country, or attend 7 day meditative retreat in the foothills of TN, or participate in experiences that would shock your system or derail you completely from your usual life (though if you can afford to and love a new thrill, go ahead and enjoy!). The new environment may help, and the new experiences may bring you to certain realizations, but finding yourself goes beyond novelty, beyond the unfamiliar. On the contrary, finding yourself involves delving deep into your thoughts and emotions, and discovering what should actually be familiar to you – those sets of beliefs and truths that guide you, those deepest dreams that you have planted in your heart, that inner leading that has been buried by everything life has brought upon you. And the best thing is – it can be found in the comfort of your own home or personal space.
4. Finding Yourself doesn’t affect all areas of your life. Again, Myth. Finding yourself DOES affect all areas of your life. Sometimes we think that life is all about our career and our “possessions” – things, people, & everything in between. And then we wonder why there seems to be something missing. I recently read an article by Rafael Badziag who spent 6 years interviewing 21 billionaires. What he found out is that the traits and habits of the billionaires that supported their happiness were not centered around money, but rather two of the main things included being themselves and not bending in their beliefs and having a purpose and following their mission .
Most people usually equate being true to themself with the job they have. Then they are disappointed when they change jobs and still don’t find happiness. I tried that and after three jobs in three years, I realized it may not be the job that was the problem for my lack of happiness but maybe myself.
Finding yourself and understanding what drives you, or what makes you tick, will play a major role as to where the different aspects of your life are headed or need to be changed – financial, professional, spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological, relational, and environmental. Finding yourself is like the having that secret sauce that binds all of the ingredients of your life together.
5. Finding Yourself doesn’t lead to Finding True Joy. If you’ve been listening you problem know by now, that’s a myth. The truth is Finding yourself does lead to finding true joy. There is happiness, and there is real meaningful joy – the kind that is deep, lasting, and more fulfilling. It’s the kind of happiness from within that doesn’t come from anything or anyone that this world offers (1 Jn 2:16). It’s the kind of joy that leads to other people experiencing joy as well through you. Have you ever just looked at someone and they are radiating joy – that’s the kind of meaningful joy you can experience when you find and live your purpose.
Journeying with you to Find You and Find Joy would be my greatest honor and joy! Hop on a FREE 30 min call with me and let’s figure out how we together can help YOU experience more joy.
Finding Yourself is about focusing on the TRUTH – the truth is- we are each given unique gifts to bless the world (1 Pet 4:10), that we each have a role to play (1 Cor 12:25-28). You are more valuable than you think you are (Mt 10:29-31), and that you are meant to bless the world by being who you are designed to be. I love the quote by Oscar Wilde “Be Yourself. Everyone Else is Taken”. And honestly, thank God they are taken because you were created for something that is only special to you, for you and by you.
If you are wondering where is the starting point for you to start your journey to Finding Yourself, here’s three quick steps:
1. FACE THE TRUTH.
Facing the truth about your situation, and focusing on 5 truths I mentioned above, is the first step in successfully finding yourself. You have to dig deep and ask yourself – is there anything about my life that doesn’t seem right to me? What areas in my life don’t feel true to myself? Am I happy where I’m at in my life now? What would make me truly happy? What’s stopping me from making the necessary changes in my life in order to be happy? Be truthful with your answers (not necessarily what society, your parents, your spouse or anyone else thinks they should be – just what you and God know they should be). By the way, these are questions that we as life coaches love to ask our clients to help bring them to a deeper understanding of themselves or discover a shift in perspective they hadn’t considered before.
If you find yourself having trouble with these questions, don’t worry. It’s natural, especially when you’ve been denying yourself the kind of authentic living that you should be experiencing. Connect with me via a FREE 30min call, and let’s figure out how we can help YOU, get to the truth.
2. The second step in the journey to finding yourself besides finding the truth is,
BELIEVE THE TRUTH.
After asking yourself the “dig-deep” questions, and reminding yourself of the truth about yourself, then it’s time to start believing the truth. Believing the truth is the groundwork for your journey, as this involves changing everything that is within you that has stopped you from being who you are. You need to erase all the lies and limiting beliefs that are bad for you -such as I can’t do it, I’m not smart enough, rich enough, successful enough, good enough, strong enough, etc. Instead, focus on the goodness, good beliefs and values that you have within you and the gifts that you have to offer to others. This will then support you in your self-discovery journey and living your best life.
3. And lastly, your personal journey requires you to LIVE THE TRUTH
Once you begin changing the bad or what didn’t fit and begin focusing on the good beliefs within, then it’s also time to start living them out, and applying them to your life – that include every aspect. Tailor your actions to your new-found and reborn truths about yourself, and you’ll slowly begin to not just find yourself in the process of discovering the real you but living a life that is the reflective of the Real You. This will not only bless you, but bless others as well.
Some points I’d like to leave you to ponder on –
– Our greatest fear in life shouldn’t be of failure, but of succeeding at things that don’t really matter. – Francis Chan
– Each of us has a unique parameter of success inside of us, and discovering it will lead us to the kind of happiness that resonates within, and is not affected by anything outside As Maya Angelou puts it – “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”
– Understanding the Real You gets you grounded and connected to what’s right, and you shall not be moved from that purpose (Pro 12:3).
– In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.
Be a blessing. Be YOU.