If I was to ask you, “Who are You?” what would you say?
If you were to ask me, I’d probably say “I’m a board certified life coach”. However, If I was at my parent’s church fundraiser, and someone asked me, I might respond with “I’m Tom and Cindy’s daughter”. Or if I was at one of my husband’s work functions, I may say, “I’m Brett’s wife”. Other times, “Shane or Randy’s mom”, “Christy’s sister”, “Darcy’s friend”, “Morgan’s Co-worker”, etc.
We are all labeled by our different roles and job titles – but do these actually tell who we Really are? Probably not. I think they tell us how we are expected to behave, think, and feel with those titles but not necessarily the real us. And of course, it’s okay when someone says “who are you? To respond with your title but for today we are going to dig deeper. For us to understand who we really are, that’s when we have to go into the inner most sacred areas of our heart and soul.
It really wasn’t until a few years ago that I even started to wonder “who am I”. Before then, life was too busy. Can anyone relate? I was just happy to get the kids off to school without forgetting their lunch or homework assignment, the dog getting out and then get myself into my office by to start my work day by 7:30am. After work, it was attend my boys sports games or chauffeuring the kids here or there, cook dinner, straighten the house, make sure homework was done, answering work emails and collapsing in bed by 11pm or midnight– only to begin it all over again the next day.
I probably should have slowed down enough to ask the important question – “Who Am I?” and is this truly a life that reflects who I am? But being so exhausted as a single mom and during those years, it honestly never occurred to me. I wonder now, if I had discovered who I was and lived true to that discovery, still as a single mom – as asking the question doesn’t change our life circumstances or the choices we made, at least most of the time it doesn’t but I wonder if life would have been easier. Probably so. In fact, I bet not only would it have made life easier but life would have been more joyful too.
Most of us are wearing masks. Not the kind that we wear now due to Covid 1 9 – actually all of us are wearing those now, but I’m talking about the mask we wear for that but I’m talking about the figurative mask – the one that shields our true self. This mask manifests itself in the way we interact with other people, the way we express our self, the choices we make, and the paths we follow and may not always reflect who we truly are. It’s what we choose to do just to be able to blend in, to conform, fit in, you know – to be accepted. So what masks are you wearing right now? Are you wearing a mask at your job, in your home, with your friends, in your social groups, at church? Again, were talking about the figurative mask. I think it’s an important question we need to ask. We may not have them on all the time but if we have them in certain areas of our life and more often than not, it’s probably an indication change needs to be made.
Here’s another way to look at it – there are hundreds of different types of makes and models of cars. You have family cars, sports cars, mini vans, transportation vehicles and even smart cars now days. When we think about it, for the most part, cars all have the same goals – getting someone or something from point A to point B. Let’s say you were born to be a mini van Accord – reliable, comfortable, and a very important purpose. But for some reason, you feel the need to pretend you’re a sports car Maybe it’s the social status and wanting to be a car that in more movies, considered more prestigious. Maybe you just like the sleeker look of the jaguar better. Maybe it’s the power and speed you wish you had. Maybe it’s the lifestyle you see for people in sports car.
So – you pretend to be a sports car. You go through life trying to be what you or society thinks is best, instead of not being you, not being the minivan you were created to be. You’ve changed your outside appearance to look like a sports car – maybe added some racing stripes, maybe bigger rims but inside you are still a mini van with a mini van motor and parts. You are afraid as time goes by to tell people you are really a mini van because you don’t feel you’re as good. You don’t feel you’ll be accepted. After years of pretending to be a sports car , you have started to forget you are really a mini van and what that means. You just know something doesn’t feel right. You are constantly running out of energy though trying to keep up with the speed of other sports cars. You feel like you never quite fit in, you can’t get into the small parking spots they can get into, the mechanical issues others have are different than your mechanical issues they experience, you have to have a cheaper type of gas, you value having 8 people in your car and but they really only value having 2 people in their car. You don’t feel like you are fulfilling your purpose by can’t figure out why.
Has anyone out there ever felt like this in their head? Like their living a way you really weren’t created to live? They aren’t living true to you on the inside. Maybe you’re on the fast lane but it doesn’t feel like it’s where you were meant to be.
I’ve had this happen. Having some jobs fairly high up in healthcare leadership really brought me little satisfaction and fulfillment. Yet, I didn’t think I could or should leave because of the financial security, dependability, and social status it gave me. I wore “masks” that outwardly disguised myself yet on the inside I was miserable.
Discovering the real you, leads to authentic living. This does not necessarily mean you will have a drastic lifestyle change, or having a complete shift in your life instantaneously once you start to discover the real you. For me, it took about 5 years of contemplation, searching and really digging deep to find out who I was, what my values really were and what I need to do to be living a lifestyle that was congruent with who I was. For me I ended up with a career change but for others, it may be just mean getting involved with a community organization, spending your time in a different way, maybe writing a book, spending more time in reflection, improving skills for a hobby or taking something, even in your job, It’s so individualized for what it may require for you to be living your best self.
When I was able to make a change and begin living as the best version of myself, I found a life that made me feel free and grounded, joyful yet calm, vulnerable yet strong.
What we don’t realize is that living a life that does not reflect the real us robs us of what life can truly be for us – free of the unnecessary baggage that we have placed on ourselves. We are not built to wear our false masks. Honestly I don’t know that were built to wear our COVID masks but we’re all getting through that. I’m not sure we have to tell everyone but we have to be living true to ourselves or we will get weary, disappointed, frustrated, and eventually depressed. I know I did when I wasn’t living true to myself.
Authentic living focuses on YOU, not in a selfish, self-centered way, but more bringing out your unique, special self that blesses you and the people around you. It focuses on the Truth – the truth about Who You Are. Its really not defined by your job or the different roles you play. It’s that beautiful sum of unique qualities, strengths, characteristics, and inner gifts you have, that, if brought out in the open, transforms you in the best version of yourself. We are wonderfully made (Ps 139:13-14), each with unique gifts and roles to play that will bless the world (1 Cor 12:25-28). Authentic living is really living our life reflecting these beliefs, modeling our values, and bringing out our true potential by using these innate gifts and talents
If you look at yourself the way God sees you – that you are unconditionally loved and worthy of sacrifice (John 3:16), and that you are precious and honored (Isa 43:4), you will see that the real you is more than enough, you are worthy, and you are meant to shine your light to the world (Matt 5:16). All cars, whether minivans, smart cars, sports cars, transportation cars, all have a purpose and a need or there would be no market for them. If people only wanted spots cars, just imagine how boring the world would be. We all are are special and all have a unique purpose. If cars have a purpose, imagine how much so it is with us as humans. I love the quote by Vironika Tugeleva: You’ll never know who you are unless you shed who you pretend to be.”
Authentic living focuses on what’s Important to you – and not what others taught or dictated upon you. For this podcast, I could tell you what’s important in my life and what my beliefs are and say that’s how you live true to yourself but obviously that would be ridiculous because we are all individually made and have our own beliefs. That is what makes you unique. The world has different standards of success. We don’t even actually have to go far – our own parents, our own family has different standards of success. But it’s important for us to realize that one’s definition, and set of standards, varies individually – as many as the billions of people who live on this planet. What’s important for one may be completely inessential for another. Authentic living guides you in pursuing things and activities that matter to you – your priorities, your dreams, and your ideals.
Authentic living requires change as you change in different chapters of your life.
Living authentically means knowing yourself and this takes time. As I said, when I started to ask the question “Who am I”, it took about 5 years to really figure out who I was at that time in my life. If you want to find out a deeper level of who you are, then I have an activity for you right now. Grab a notepad or journal and write down these 15 questions and spend some time thinking about them and your responses. It will help you have a more clear understanding of who you really are?
- What have been defining moments in you life?
- What do you value?
- What are your priorities right now?
- What do you want written on your tombstone?
- What are your greatest gifts?
- What has been your greatest achievement to date?
- What makes you feel good?
- What brings sunshine into your soul?
- What would your perfect day look like?
- What do you believe you are good at?
- What do you enjoy most in life?
- What areas to you don’t need validation from others? In other words, what areas do you feel very confident in?
- If you believed Gods word that he loves you and wants to give you the desires of your heart, what type of vehicle do you think you were designed to be? Remember my example, think about transportation, smart car, sports car, ..
- If you had to do one thing over and over each day, what would be that one thing you’d want to do?
- What are your favorite hobbies, activities, and interests?
These are just the beginning of some of the questions that will help you have a better understanding of who you are so you can live the REAL YOU.
Okay, once you start forming a picture of what the real you looks like, then it’s time to start living authentically.
Here’s 9 practices that you can do each day that will lead you to A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. living so you live the Real You.
One way to remember, the word Authentic, A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C each of these will start with one letter in the word authentic.
So – Accept yourself, through and through – the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. Your flaws and past do not define you. Your mistakes, pains, failures, and bad experiences, you know have actually led you to who you are now, but hanging on to them won’t lead you to the full life that you were meant to live (Jn 10:10). Accept that you have flaws and weaknesses –because WE all do have them, each to varying types and degrees. But also accept the fact that you have strengths and good qualities – in fact, great qualities, and if used in the right way, can lead to a massive transformation in your life.
U is for understand what your mind, body, and heart are telling you. We all have an inner compass. There may be a lot of conflicting thoughts in our mind, but there is always that one, true, inner voice that leads us to what we should be doing. Tune in to it. Your heart will always speak out. This may take some time, as some of us have been accustomed to ignoring or burying our inner voice. But with enough self reflection, we’ll be able to hear. Listen, and understand what our true self wants to say.
There is also another way – our bodies usually don’t lie. There are countless studies about the effects of different stressors and problems that manifest in our bodies through minor and major diseases (and this is def worthy of another podcast which I’ll do in the future). Have you been in a situation where you really don’t want to and you feel the tension and your stomach hurts. I’m not talking about a one time thing with your job but something that is occurring all the time. That’s your body saying “wait a minute, assess things and decide if change needs to be made”.
T: Try and be open to new things and new perspectives – Take that class. Learn a new skill. Go on that forever-planned-only trip. Talk with new people. Read new books. The list goes on. Authentic living involves discovering who you are and how you can express yourself more fully. Sometimes figuring out who we are not is what helps us figure out who we are or finding out what we don’t like helps us discover what we do like. So don’t be afraid to try new things. You don’t need to have everything figured out immediately. It may be easier to stick with what’s unfulfilling or what has always been set before you by others because that’s become comfortable but Don’t fall into that trap. Just because it feels comfortable, doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch
Honesty all the way – Live by and for your truth. If your Truth reflects the real you, then you should be able to walk the walk and talk the talk. . – Say what you mean, and mean what you say (Matt 5:37). Have the courage to be disliked, even though none of us like that, but if you are standing for the truth it will be okay regardless of what others think. However, standing for your truth doesn’t mean being aggressive and abrasive about it, especially to the point of disrespecting others. They also have their own truths, and all of us deserve to be respected – something I think the world is missing a lot of now days. Authentic living is letting your words and actions embody your truth, and truth leads to authenticity.
Engage the positive. Disengage the negative. Focus on what’s good about yourself. We are such creatures where we love to focus on the negative. But don’t do that. Expect good things and believe that God has the best in store for you (Jer 29:11). Don’t waste your time, energy, and effort on people, things, and activities that are not good for you or that don’t support your growth. Focusing on the negative creates a crippling disabling effect – mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Navigate through life with a trained mind and an open, but strong heart. Find the perfect balance between your thoughts and emotions. Thoughts create our emotions which then result in action or inaction. Mindset, oh my goodness, mindset is so so powerful. Acknowledge your feelings but check your mindset to determine if they are valid and helping or hurting you. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s correct. Learn what triggers your bad feelings, behavior, and responses and how to better manage those triggers so you can live authentically and joyfully. Don’t let anyone stop Your joy.
Trust yourself more. Things will work out for your own good. Your inner compass works, and you just need to let it resurface again after a long time of living according to other people’s standards and expectations. Yes, you have may have made mistakes. We all have! Yes, You may have failed more times than you can count. But remember, your past, your mistakes, your failures, don’t define you. You are capable of making the right decisions for yourself, and creating a future filled with authenticity and joy. And it’s never too late to start?
Ignite your fire within – Go after your dreams. Hone your strengths and pursue your interests. Nourish yourself with things that inspire you every day. Connect with people who love you, who can help you and support you, who are like-minded in pursuing their goals, and with people who have achieved your dreams so you can learn and be inspired by them. Finding your passion and purpose is critical to living a spirit-filled, ignited life. The better you get to knowing yourself, the easier it will be to find your purpose and ignite that passion. If you’ve been struggling with with any of this , let’s connect via a FREE 30min call. Or download from my website the Path to Purpose. This is a gift for you to help you find your purpose.
Celebrate and Be Grateful. Celebrate your victories, both big and small. Appreciate and savor all the blessings that you have, and the blessings that are yet to come. Life doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. It is meant to be enjoyed too. Sometimes with the busyness and chapters of our life, it does make it harder to find that inner joy but when you ask the question, you are ready for it. Celebrate you for being YOU – quirks and all. Celebrate by taking care of yourself – by nourishing your mind, body, and spirit, in a way that works for you. Each day presents an opportunity to celebrate – there is always a little victory that you can be happy about, and there is always a blessing that you can be thankful for, both old and new.
May you be encouraged to live authentically, and ultimately, live with joy by just being YOU.