Have you ever wondered?
“What am I doing with my life?”
“Did I just really do that?”
“Is this all there is?”
“Why do I feel so empty?”
“Is this really me?”
“What do I truly want?”
“How did I even get here?”
“Why do I feel overwhelmed? why do I feel underwhelmed? or perhaps overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time?”
“What happened to my motivation?”
The list goes on…
I want to assure you it’s natural to ask these questions at one point or another in your life. It’s actually a healthy habit to pause and check in with yourself once in a while. These questions can lead to a path of further longing or lead to a path of discovering incredible fulfillment.
But if any of these questions have been bothering you for quite some time, and if you’ve been sustaining feelings of discontent, feeling uncomfortable, out of place, or maybe out of sync, then it might be time to take a step back and figure out if the real you is somehow “lost”.
That’s exactly what happened to me a few years ago.
I started asking those exact same questions. I was in a good job, had successfully raised two boys, was happily married, and had a house with a white picket fence (okay not really a white picket fence but we do have some nice palm trees in our yard). I started to bounce around jobs (3 within 3 years to be exact which is something I would never have done in my earlier days) – yet each transition was for a better job title and salary. I had finally worked my way up the corporate ladder to a Vice President role with a sweet salary and yet – I still felt unfulfilled. By worldly standards, I had many accomplishments but wasn’t feeling accomplished at all.
Most of us at one time or another find ourselves in jobs we don’t like, relationships that don’t seem to fit, or in activities and pursuits that just continually drain us. Then there are other times in our lives where we just cruise along each day, wondering if there is more to life, wondering if we could be or should be doing something else.
All of us have at some point questioned whether we are going in the right direction, and if we are living the life we are meant to live.
The Real You is your authentic self – the values you hold dear, the beliefs that drive you, the principles you live by, the deepest desires of your heart, everything that matters to you, and the innate qualities and characteristics that make you special. It’s who God created you to be. And honestly, it’s only you and God who know if you are living your true self.
When we go through the different phases of our lives, we sometimes allow ourselves to, think, speak, and act in such a way that when we later look back, we wonder why we had those thoughts, spoke those words or acted the way we did because it wasn’t in alignment with who we were. I have several examples of this and what I consider somewhat “mistakes” in my life, but we will save those for another podcast.
So why aren’t we living true to ourselves?
There are many reasons why it seems we’ve lost ourselves, or it feels that we are living lives that don’t reflect who we are. I’m going to share what I think are the top three reasons:
The first one may be –Our Past…
Try to remember several teaching moments during your childhood. Are there certain beliefs taught to you by your parents, guardians, or anyone who had authority over you, that just don’t seem to fit what your soul, jibe with who you are, or fall in line with what your gut is saying to you right now?
Perhaps you were told that there’s no money in becoming a musician so you never pursued your musical talent. Perhaps you were raised to believe that the perfect life cycle is getting good grades, a great job, married, raising kids, paying your mortgage, saving enough for a retirement home, and that’s all there is to it. And maybe for some that does bring happiness but maybe for others, it doesn’t.
We can’t completely blame our upbringing as the sole reason why it seems we’ve failed to live authentic lives (after all, parenting styles are of course affected by how your parents themselves were brought up too – and I’m sure my kids will have plenty to say about that with me one day, but again, that’s for another podcast). But parents’ influence can certainly play a major role in hindering you from living the Real You.
So another possible reason keeping us from living authentically, may be
Our Pains…
Circumstances in our life may have stopped us from expressing who we really are or living a life that fits us to a tee and allows us to experience the freedom of being true to ourselves.
Perhaps we grew up in poverty – always experiencing lack, hence our endless pursuit of money or trying to climb the corporate ladder. Perhaps we’ve been rejected so many times for just for trying to be a little more like our real selves – the way we speak, the career we want to pursue, the opinions we have, that we have given up and follow what others think we should be.
Basically, all areas of our life have several pain points because of these moments of rejection. There may be that one ex-relationship that hurt us badly and we feel scarred; or the boss that made us feel so inadequate, or the parent that we could never please. These types of things are what lead you to believe that being the Real You isn’t good enough.
Pain is a very powerful teacher, but also a powerful stealer – focusing on it and not healing and learning from it steals us of the joy from our present moment and our future and keeps us from traversing our own paths.
And the third reason we may not live our true selves, and the one I think is probably the most powerful, is Our (lack of) Purpose and taking the time to discover it…
Our Purpose is our north star – it’s what guides us in setting the right goals and taking the right action steps for our life. Make a quick search online about the topic “Finding Your Purpose”, and you will see a plethora of blogs, courses, books, seminars and teachings on why it’s important and how to find it.
Not having a definite purpose is like going through life just merely existing, not actually living. We go through life being reactive to what’s happening to us, instead of being pro-active to shape our lives.
A lot of us feel we have lived purposeless lives or are currently in a specific chapter of our life where we feel we have no real purpose. If this is you, hey, it’s ok. What’s important is that you come to an awareness that purposeful living leads to a MORE meaningful, fulfilled life. If you have not figured out your purpose, you can download my free gift on my website this month “A Path to My Purpose” here. It’s a step by step guide to help you recognize your special purpose.
Some of you might be wondering, is it really that important to Discover the Real You.
WITHOUT A DOUBT! Discovering the Real You – your uniqueness, your strengths, your special qualities – can help you turn your life around. According to the Bible, God made us to do good (Eph 2:10), and you are destined to live a full, abundant life (Jn 10:10). Knowing YOU brings a greater ability for accomplishing your goals.
Let’s take a further look into how discovering the Real You can help you make your goals a reality.
The first is through Goal-Aligning
Discovering the Real You can help you align your unique gifts and talents to who you are made to be – a victor (1 Jn 5:4), a chosen one (1 Pet 2:9), a child of God (1 Jn 3:1). You are meant to shine your light to the world. Whether as a teacher, doctor, sanitation worker, stay at home parent, volunteer, or one of the hundreds of thousands of other roles in this world.
The next is Goal-Setting
Discovering the Real You can help you have a vision and pursue the dreams that resonate with you the most – the kind of dreams that are deep within, that have always been in your heart, and have just been buried by the different struggles life throws at us. Knowing who you truly are and what you stand for will lead you to the right direction when it comes to what you should be thinking and pursuing.
And lastly and most importantly – it’s Goal-Getting
Many people have no problem setting goals, but it’s the follow through they struggle with. Once you have discovered the Real You, your strengths, unique gifts, and special talents, unlimited potential will surface – and this is what makes it so much easier to actually achieve your goals. Your knowledge, skills, and innate abilities are important tools you can use to turn your dreams into reality. For example, your talent for drawing can lead you to an opportunity to conduct weekend workshops or submit work in your local newspaper. Your skill in communicating can help you with creating campaigns for a cause you believe in. Your organization abilities can enable you to mount community-building events. Your empathy and positive spirit might be the critical thing that your office needs to have a harmonious, energized work environment. As you will notice though, not all of these examples were centered around jobs. We can find our real self and implement it in numerous creative ways that bring us the satisfaction of goal accomplishment.
There are so many ways you can turn your life around by having and achieving the right goals. I can journey with you and help you Get Goaling – hop on a Free 30 Minutes call by clicking here.
If you want to find and live your purpose, here’s my quick ABC’s for first Discovering the Real You
#1, Increase your AWARENESS
Be sensitive to your own needs and to your inner voice. Try to take stock of everything that’s happening in your life now, and reflect on the different parts of your life where you feel there’s a “disconnect” to the Real You. Be aware of external influences that may be affecting you (other people, social media, etc.), and give yourself time to discern about your thoughts and your actions .Ask yourself if you are saying and doing things in a way that is consistent with the real you. I find myself passionate about some topics in our heated political environment we are experiencing right now; however, my greatest longing is always peace and harmony. Therefore, to be true to myself, I can still speak out with my opinion but for me, it has to be in a kind, fair, and respectful way.
Have you been avoiding or ignoring your inner voice, an inner prodding that is calling out to you to do something else? Have you been letting other people (or society) dictate your behavior because you get wrapped up in their beliefs or feel bullied into them? If so, then there is no better time than now to start to change.
So secondly, for the B in ABCs – you want to Reflect on your BELIEFS.
Think about the beliefs that you have in different areas in your life – career, finances, family, relationships, health, environment, spirituality, emotional life, and intellectual life. What beliefs have helped you? What beliefs have been stopping you from pursuing what you want in life? Understanding and acknowledging YOUR specific beliefs will bring you to a deeper understanding of yourself.
So to Discover the real you, you should increase awareness, reflect on your beliefs, and lastly (the C in ABC’s), you should CHANGE what you can
Knowing all these things can help you change your life and lead you to the direction that’s right for you. If you know the real problem, the root cause, then, you know what needs to be addressed. You can change the habits you have developed that don’t reflect the real you. You can change the wrong, limiting beliefs you have about yourself and about the world. You can change whatever is holding you back from showing your true, great potential. Notice that I use the phrase “You Can.”
At the end of the day, it takes your Decision and Commitment to change your life for the better. It may not happen overnight and sometimes may take years to get there, but you can start a path forward to change right now. Remember, change is never easy but neither is feeling miserable from complacency. As Thomas Fuller said, “All things are difficult, before they are easy”.
I’d like to leave you with these final thoughts to Ponder –
- You are in this world, but not of this world. When you align yourself with God, you can overcome whatever trials life throws at you (Jn 16:33). Do not be led to a life of pretense or duplicity just to conform or try to fit in (Rom 12:2).This will just leave you feeling unfulfilled and empty.
- Know it’s never too late to discover the real you and begin living authentically.
- You have something to give that only you can, and that others truly need. It may be big or small. It may be used in a career, or a relationship, or as a parent, or in a ministry, etc. It may not help everyone, but it can at least help someone. As Mother Teresa said (one of my favorite quotes), “We don’t necessarily need to do great deeds, but we can do small deeds with great love”. Find the gifts you have and start sharing them with the world.
- No one can ever please everybody.
Be who you are and say, respectfully of course, what you feel, because those who mind – don’t matter, and those who matter – don’t mind. (Bernard Baruch)
- The Real You is WORTHY. The Real You is ENOUGH. The Real You is LOVED.
I would be honored to help you with what you’re going through right now in your quest for happiness. We can talk about how you can Discover the Real You and your life purpose as that IS the starting point in your journey to finding real and lasting joy. You can click on the link to get your FREE 30 minute call.