(This is revised from my previous post as it didn’t do justice showing the wonderfulness of my family while trying to show how our beliefs can affect our results). So, please give this version a read:
Coaching has confirmed for me that everyone has a story. And when I say a story, I actually mean a difficult life experience (at least in that persons eyes) or two, or three, or too many to count. Although an experience may be life changing, it doesn’t have to be life draining. We all get to decide how we will choose to think about our experiences, and this will then determine how they affect us.
When I was growing up, I felt like the “outsider” of our family. In “my” mind, I had three perfect sisters and I was not. Although I had a great family, I was often the one in trouble or feeling ganged up on. It didn’t help that I was the outspoken one who questioned things and challenged the rules. I thought of myself as more of a leader (inexperienced and uneducated of course) than a follower and thrived on proving myself right. Although I like to think I was kindhearted (and certainly was with my friends and others), my personality and shortcomings didn’t fit well and created a lot of strife in the family.
As a young adult, I carried some childhood beliefs (not necessarily facts) of not feeling good enough or being unlovable into my personal and professional life. I chose men poorly and became a workaholic – always looking for love and affirmation at times to the sacrifice of myself and probably my health. It wasn’t until several years later that I realized I needed to change my thinking in order to have the results I longed for in my life. Once I believed I was loveable, I found a loveable mate. Once I believed I was a good person and had self worth, I didn’t have to try to prove myself by working 80+ hour weeks.
Now when I look back on my childhood, I focus on the positives (and there were many). This has allowed me to appreciate my family and see my blessings. I choose peace and gratitude with the memories.
I wish I would have seen the err in my thinking earlier in life but I hope this post may help you if you are struggling – whether 18 or 108 years old, it’s never too late to make peace with your story. If you need help with this, please reach out to me.