Do you have a pet dog?
Have you noticed how your dog or maybe a friends dog, seems to be happy at the simplest, sometimes silliest, of things?
Like each time you come home from work, Rosco (or Bruno, or LuLu – just imagine your beloved pet’s name) greets you with a bouncy jump, wagging tail, a happy “woof”, and tippy-taps on the floor. When you’re about to give him food, when he plays with his toys, when he’s about to go on a walk, when he’s about to basically do anything, or do nothing but simply just be with you – it’s the same happy wagging tail and happy woof.
I still remember our dog Lucky, a big 120 pound yellow Labrador, who loved the water. One of Lucky’s favorite things to do was to get loose if the kids left a door open in the house or a gate in the yard. For about 5-6 years,and I’m not exaggerating, this was a weekly occurrence. Lucky loved roaming the golf course behind our home in search of a good pond of water to swim in or would often frequent different neighbors swimming pools. On this particular occasion, I remember getting a call from a local business that our dog was roaming the shopping center complex which backed up to our neighborhood. It was a less than optimal time as I was busy at work and the boys were both at school but I left my job in search of the dog.
When I arrived at the shopping center complex, I saw a police car and standing next to the officer was their was a police office standing next to a dog that was panting but looking extremely content. The police officer was very kind and gladly handed the dog off to me. Lucky now appeared to be a brownish black lab – He covered from head to tail in mud. Apparently he had found a construction site and decided to roll around in the water. I couldn’t put him in my car with him being that dirty and I couldn’t walk with him in my business suit and heels, so I held the leash out the driver door while I drove very very very slow and he walked beside my window. I remember being so mad at Lucky, and every time I looked over at him and said in my sternest voice “bad dog”, he just glanced my way with what appeared to be a twinkle in his smiling eyes and continued wagging his tail. Even when he knew he was in trouble, he didn’t let it stop him from enjoying the sunshine and extra long stroll back to the house.
Our pets aren’t the only ones who frequently express their happiness. How about babies?
Have you noticed how pure, precious, and simply delightful a baby’s laugh sounds? Parents (and doting aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends) definitely understand this. Raising my boys, I just loved to snap photos or take videos of each happy moment with them and I have thousands of them.
And if you look into it further, have you noticed the reasons or causes behind the laughs, the giggles, the occasional shrieks of delight that babies have? It’s the simplest of things! The fake airplane of food flying to their mouth, the peek a boo game, their happy jam to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and all the other silly antics we do to make them laugh, even the blinking of lights in your garage – all these little things can illicit such joy from a baby, and these things happen every single day! It’s amazing! It’s like they have an endless spring of joy inside them that just gushes out, even at random moments.
So the main question now is – What Happened…? How come when we turned into adults, being happy became so, complicated? So foreign to us? Why is it that moments of happiness are so fleeting? Why are people spending so much, on so many things, just to experience an ounce of happiness? Where did our own tippy-taps on the floor go? Our giggles for the littlest things? Did our spring of joy we once had as a child actually dry up?
Perhaps we think and feel life hasn’t been that good to us. Debts, bills to pay, an overload of responsibilities, work stress, an increasing list of obligations without enough time in the day, the daily grind, traumatic experiences, people hurting us, accidents, all kinds of pollution, health issues, you name it – there are way too many hardballs (as we perceive them) that life throws at us, or problems that we ourselves caused, that somehow bury or dim that light of joy we have within us. Sure, we have occasional sparks of happiness but generally we don’t have that constant joy we see in our pets or babies. There are just way too many things happening to us. Adulthood, after all, is not the free, “I can do anything I want, life is great” that we hoped for when we were teenagers and young adults.
So here we are, doing whatever we can to experience joy, to be happy. We discussed in Part I and Part II of this series about the journey to happiness – how happiness is the end goal of most, if not all of us, and how we can find happiness along our journey in life, even amidst all the junk. But how do we make that joy last?
Our goal after all for what we want to be and find is Real Joy – the kind of Joy that emanates from within, the kind of joy that brings peace, the kind of joy that LASTS. It’s a steady kind of joy that nothing outside of us can completely eliminate. A kind of joy that persists, despite of and in spite of anything that may happen. It actually exists and is the kind of joy worthy of pursuing, worthy of developing, and worthy of experiencing.
Unfortunately, we have been bombarded by wrong messages about happiness. The world has set different standards for happiness that focuses more on pleasure – the fleeting, temporary, even sometimes addicting kind. Advertising and social media has played such a big role in these mixed, often wrong messages about happiness. We were tricked into believing that the happiness we want, the joy we have been seeking all our lives, can be found in a new pair of shoes, a luxury villa in Europe, a new husband, more of one thing, less of another, etc. The external noise that pushes us towards these temporary pleasures, silences the inner voice that speaks to us about real joy and purpose. When this happens, we find ourselves going further away from our true source of joy, getting more lost in our tracks, and we end up doing more harm to ourselves in the process.
Don’t get me wrong. Experiencing the pleasures of life, even if temporary, is not in itself completely bad. Although I’d love to own a Chateau in Tuscany, that’s not in my budget but I do love the couple times I’ve traveled to Europe. Again, I’m not talking about not having fun and experiencing life, but it’s the over-indulgence (owning 100+ pairs of shoes) the misplaced ideals (I need the $120 pair of yoga pants for a better work out or that will make you look better, and distorted beliefs (if you can’t find happiness in your marriage, find someone else) that make us focus more on going after what may be short term pleasures.
So how do you know if you are focusing your time, energy and resources more on short term pleasures? After all, the world is going to tell you these short term pleasures are well worth it and you just need to spend, spend, spend. But how do you know if you’re caught up in that. The easiest way of course is to evaluate your happiness. Ask yourself – Is your “joy” both meaningful and lasting? Another way is to look at your accumulation, your distractions and your addictions. This is a little trickier as it takes honesty and deep reflection. Let’s just take a further look into these three:
ACCUMULATION – it leads us to buying things we think will bring us happiness – getting more of everything when it actually ends up just being nothing. Take a quick look at your closet, cupboards, or any room in your house – anything there you haven’t used? Anything you have duplicates of? Anything gotten old without enough use or wear? Do you have goods that have just expired? stuff that just accumulates dust? Do you remember that time when you just “gotta have that new perfume”, which you used only once? Or maybe that new airfryer but you never took it out of the box, or maybe the new, pair of earrings, new piece of furniture, new couch pillows, workout equipment, etc. the list goes on.
Materialism and consumerism are promoted so expertly, so deceptively, that most of us don’t even consider ourselves as materialistic or worldly. Especially now with the rise of online shops – mindless shopping is slowly becoming the norm – with so many things posing as a “need” instead of simply a “want.” Everything is at our fingertips now with the press of a button. I know I definitely overindulge at times with my internet shopping. Remember how scary it was when you first thought about your children learning to use a cc and having to be responsible. Imagine now that they can buying anything with the click of a button on their phone, computer or just speaking into an electronic devise and saying purchase something and it does.
Again, don’t get me wrong, it’s not essentially bad to have good, quality things. But think about how they all begin to add up. Or the price you had to pay just to get them – the sleepless nights, missed soccer games with your kids, fighting with your spouse about expenses, the extra hours you had to put in before being able to retire, the increasing credit card debt, etc. All these you traded in exchange for things that would eventually rot, destroy, or fade away.
If only I could turn back time, I wouldn’t have worked as long of hours. I did this not just to prove my worth at my job for my own self validation but also so my kids and I could still have the latest and greatest. I was a single mom so finances were important but if I didn’t have to always buy the designer shirts for my 10 & 11 year or stuff their drawers so they were overflowing with shirts. Almost all those accumulations I purchased while raising my boys, have since been been discarded or given away. Although I never missed any event for my children, I’m sure I missed opportunities to just be with them, relax with them or opportunities for my own self-care because I was working so hard. What good is it that you lost what’s valuable; you lost yourself, in exchange for all these fake needs? (Mark 8:36).
There have been multiple studies linking minimalism to happiness. One study found thrift increases positive experience through appreciation and savoring and encourages individuals to focus on intrinsic goals creating a more positive well being. I think there’s so much we can talk about minimalism and we’ll definitely do that in another podcast
But it’s not just about accumulating things. We sometimes also tend to accumulate people – trying to increase our number of friends, our network, our followers on social media and then later rely on these people for our happiness. We sometimes even go to the extent of being people pleasers, at the sacrifice of our values, resources, and sometimes self-esteem . Dave Ramsey says “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like” – all because we want to be happy. What are you accumulating at this point in your life? And is it bringing you happiness.
DISTRACTION – awww yes, another route to fake happiness. I mentioned mindless internet shopping when we just focused on accumulation, but now let’s talk about mindless entertainment, and other activities that we do, just so we can experience temporary joy, or avoid pain. The entertainment industry is a billion dollar industry. A little entertainment is fine, but too much of it, is not.Subscriptions for anything entertaining are at an all time high. People spend more time watching reality TV shows or Netflix series (and I know some of this is because of covid, but it was still the case pre-covid) instead of programs of watching programs that can lead to growth and the right kind of joy. We’ll think quadruple times before even considering enrolling in a seminar where we might learn something, but won’t even bat an eyelash to swipe our credit card readily for premium concert tickets, football tickets, etc.ir whatever type of entertainment we desire. Why is this that we so easily spend when it’s something we want. This is a silly example. For me, this reminds me of how I only buy the case of water at the grocery store that is on sale – usually less than $5 for a 24-32 bottles. Yet, at the airport, I don’t hesitate to pay $4-5 dollars for a single bottle of water. If we want something, we somehow find a way to justify it or not question whether or not it makes sense.
Distraction can also be in the form of mindless chatting, mindless shopping, mindless scrolling – any activity that guides us in the wrong path to joy. The problem is that we become hooked on that instant gratification or high we get when watching or buying, or attending. The more we do it, the more we want. It gives us instant euphoria. However, distraction requires continually doing it again and again and again to bring happiness. It then overshadows and keeps us from doing things that are productive and will bring lasting happiness.
So the final “fake happiness” we’ll look at is ADDICTION. Addiction is actually just distraction magnified. There are the commonly known addictions such as abuse of alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, and pornography. But there are other addictions that are slowly becoming more prevalent in our society, and we need to be cautious that we don’t fall into its cycle as they can be just as detrimental to our mental and emotional well being. One of the big ones, I bet you can guess what it is, is Social media addiction – mindless scrolling for hours on end, every single day. Checking our phones first thing in the morning and last thing at night Maybe reading our business emails, face book, Instagram, the news or something else we fear missing out on. The movie “Social Dilemma” shared profound truths about social media use – how addicting it is and the negative effects it has not just on individuals but on society and on country as a whole.
Addiction to video games and online gaming are another type of addiction that’s really growing. This generation of H.S. and college students are being targeted because of schools being closed due to COVID. They can game all night, then sleep half the day away and then quickly finish their school work in an hour or two, possibly have dinner with the family and then start it all over again. They may say this makes them happy, but isn’t that what most addicts say? But does it truly bring the good happiness , the lasting happiness, the happiness that comes from being the best version of ourselves?
Shopping addictions, sports addictions, behavioral addictions, there are too many activities that have become addictions (even reading – and I’m not talking necessarily about books but everything on the internet.) – all in the pursuit of that temporary high, that fake kind of joy. Addictions are deep down a cry for something more, and we need to find a way to overcome these if we want to experience lasting joy (I’ll have more on overcoming these new addictions in a future blog!).
All these fake ways to find happiness whether through Accumulation, Distraction, and Addiction, stem from our internal desire to find joy – it’s just looking in all the wrong places and doing it the wrong way. If you are ready to move forward from these strongholds so you can accomplish your goals and start experiencing real joy in your life, let’s journey together. Let’s connect via a FREE 30mins call, and let’s start your journey to finding you, and finding joy that lasts.
Real Joy doesn’t come from external things. Real Joy comes from within, and emanates to affect the world around us.
So the big question – how do we experience Real Joy when giving up accumulation, distractions and addictions? , How do we instead find this Lasting Joy – the kind that promotes long term satisfaction? The kind that comes from within? The kind that is not a result of instant gratification and can disappear in an instant. The magical question – How do we experience heaven here on earth?
Here are three simple practices to get you started – they are easy to remember as the ABCs of Finding Real Joy that Lasts
1. Adjust your Attitude
– Have an attitude of Gratitude. I can’t stress this enough. Be thankful for the countless and priceless blessings that you have every day. Take time to look around, observe and realize them.
– Appreciate what you have – stop comparing yourself to others or what society tries to tell you, you need to have.
– One of the happiest families I’ve ever met, would be my sister Lisa and her family. She and her husband have six kids ages 22 to 8 years old. She has been a stay at home mom for the past 20+ raising her children. She and her husband, former military pilot and now commercial pilot have made sacrifices so they could not only survive on one income but be able to send the kids to private schools. I don’t remember the kids ever longing for something or not being happy.
I don’t know why I remember this but it sticks out to me – they never bought wrapping paper from the store, instead they wrapped gifts in brown paper grocery store bags and then colored them. Isn’t it silly how much we spend on wrapping paper that is only ripped apart and thrown away. My sister and her husband buy the kids gifts but the siblings make each other homemade gifts so they have tons of presents. They watch little TV and instead have learned how to play, build things, fix things, plant things. When I’d visited them in the past and try to give them $20 before leaving, they’d say it was too much and couldn’t accept and thank you so much anyway – and they actually MEANT it.
They gladly wore hand me down clothes or no name brand or used name brand. They participated in sports and clubs and learned how to play musical instruments. Although the may have had less material things at times, the memorable things were more. They were never deprived, instead they were given in ways to make them feel alive. The most important thing with the way my sister raised them is that they all seemed happy. In fact, I can honestly say, they are the kindest, most generous, most creative and most loving children I’ve ever met. My sister Lisa got it right. She taught them to appreciate what they have and be grateful for the things and the experiences. They just don’t need those designer shirts I felt the need to buy my kids or the long work hours I had to sacrifice so they could have the latest gaming system or video games.
– It’s true – the best things in life are free! We need to learn to appreciate everything, everyone, and every moment that life gives or throws at you. I promise you there will always be someone in the world that has it worse than you. This includes appreciating a good sunset, a wildflower or anything else that nature blesses you with.
– Lessen your worry. Increase your praying. Worry does not solve anything, and does not add anything to your life (Mt 6:25-34). Turn your Worry instead into Worship.
– Forgive, and set yourself free.
– Be Hopeful.. I love this – HOPE can stand for Hold.On.Pain.Ends.
– Have a sense of humor! Laugh at yourself.
– All of these adjustments to attitude will lead to greater happiness in your life that is lasting.
2. The next simple practice to finding meaningful joy, is to Believe. Believe and Focus on the Good
– Believe that you are good – you are made for good (Ps 139) and you have goodness inside you that’s worth sharing to the world!
– Believe that there is good in others too.
– Focus on thoughts that are positive, loving, and supportive of you and others.
– Find joy. Find joy in focusing and believing in a God who loves you unconditionally , our ultimate provider, our refuge, our strength, who is always there for you even when others abandon you or hurt you. God can turn every bad thing in your life into good, His promises will never be broken, He has the best plans for you. Nothing, and absolutely nothing, can separate you from His love (Rom 8:38-39).
– Believe you can and will find lasting happiness. Create your destiny from your beliefs. If you believe it, you will make it happen.
3. And lastly, another simple way to find lasting joy is to Create change. Create opportunities for joy.
-Remember the story in the Bible where Jesus wants Peter to walk on water but he is afraid to get out of the boat. We can’t be afraid. We need to put our abilities, talents and strengths into action. We weren’t created to be couch potatoes, electronic zombies, or addicts craving our next high. We just need to take that first step toward creating change and its never too late. As long as your breathing, you can change.
– Loving and serving others is one of the greatest commandments, and there is no other kind of joy than that of giving yourself – your time, talent, treasure – in the service of others.
– Just love. Just serve – whether it’s to your family, work colleagues, friends, community or the world. There is a need and you will find your purpose.
– Start a passion project that will get you in the zone and give you a greater sense of worth, accomplishment and self satisfaction. My niece, who is living with us for flight school, and her boyfriend decided to make a coffee table for his new apartment. They had never done anything like this before but researched it on google and YouTube, found a piece of wood for sale, cut the bark off the sides, stained it, sealed it, and ordered legs for it. It’s absolutely beautiful. My coffee table, though beautiful, will never bring me the same reward, satisfaction, and memories they will always have from making their own table.
– It doesn’t just have to be building something or volunteering for that lasting joy, it can be self-care such as dancing, singing, playing, reading, learning, praying – practicing the right self-care habits, and lead to your joy!
So the ABC’s – Attitudes, Beliefs and Creating change, are just a few but powerful ways of experiencing Real Joy. And we can also chat on a FREE 30min call to start your journey to Happiness.
As Lucille Ball said “It’s a helluva start being able to recognize what makes you happy!
And there’s no better time than now. Be happy, feel happy, live happy.